


leave me all alone with the memories

by EscapingReality51



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Robert is in a car accident, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 04:08:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11328312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscapingReality51/pseuds/EscapingReality51
Summary: Robert is in a car accident and loses his memory.Based on a prompt





	leave me all alone with the memories

_ Don’t you dare die. _

He whispers the name into Robert skin, onto his forehead as he presses a kiss to his hairline, onto his hand as he clutches it to his face. He says it so much the words become meaningless, a mantra more than a promise; it’s the only thing keeping him sane.

Robert has several broken bones, a punctured lung, but worst of all is the swelling in his brain. He has been in a coma for days, and even though the doctors say he is improving, he needs to wake up on his own. 

Aaron can do nothing but sit, and hope.

Most of the Dingles show up, keep him company, bring him food. Vic is there daily, Diane as well. Adam drives him there in the mornings and back in the evenings, making sure he isn’t alone, making sure he eats  _ something _ .

Sleep doesn’t come to him. It is replaced by the sound of the car hitting his husband, the raspy breaths Robert took before he was taken to hospital, the promise he made as he lay broken on the road. 

“At least till I’m eighty, right?”

Aaron clutches at his hand, cold metal of his wedding ring pressed to his cheek. His hand is warm but holds none of the warmth that Robert’s touch usually does - Aaron doesn’t care. He has to hold him, has to touch him, let him know he is here and Robert needs to fight.

He feels a twitch in his hand, a small jerk of one of Robert’s fingers. His face shoots up and he can see Robert trying to open his eyes. 

“Nurse!” Aaron calls out, not letting go of his hand. “I think he’s waking up!”

Someone comes rushing in but he doesn’t see them - his eyes are fixed on Robert as he takes a breath and starts coughing. The tube down his throat. The nurse gets it out and his breathing relaxes, his eyes open. It makes Aaron want to cry from happiness to see those green/blue eyes again. Aaron has his hand in his own, his other hand on Robert’s cheek as their eyes meet.

There’s no flash of recognition. If anything, there’s a flash of confusion in Robert’s eyes, and he glances down to see Aaron holding his hand, and he pulls it away.

Aaron feels the loss of contact like a loss of a limb, and Robert moves to get away from the hand on his cheek. His eyes are darting everywhere, looking to the nurse and Aaron and Robert isn’t there. Not really. 

“Robert?” Aaron asks and he flinches.

“Who are you?” 

-

Aaron waits outside the room while they calm Robert down. He wants to call Vic, tell her Robert is awake but that would mean telling her the rest as well. That would be too painful. 

The doctor must call her because suddenly she is there, Adam at her side as he hasn’t been for weeks and she rushes into Robert’s room while Adam sits down next to him. He doesn’t say a word. 

Next to arrive is Chas, teary-eyed but keeping it together. She crouches down in front of Aaron and presses a hand to his cheek, her hand wet when she takes it away. 

Her arms around him is what breaks him, what makes him start sobbing and heaving and cry into her shoulder. He feels Adam’s arm on his back, feels his presence but it’s not comforting when he remembers the scared look in Robert’s eyes. 

“It’s going to be ok, love,” Chas whispers and it only makes Aaron cry more.

“He’s gone, Mum… My beautiful husband is dead.”

  
  


Aaron hears the diagnosis with puffy eyes and a throbbing headache. The doctors use words he has never heard before and he simply nods and wrings his hands, numb to everything but pain.    
“Keep in mind that he may well still get his memories back. He’s confused, he’s been in a terrible accident, but things may change. Don’t lose hope,” she says, closing the folder and smiling at him.    
“Yet,” Aaron concludes and her smile falters.    
“I know it’s hard, but even if he doesn’t remember you, he will need support.”    
Vic has her hand on Aaron’s back and Adam has a hand on his thigh, both of them trying to comfort Aaron and both of them failing. It’s not their fault.    
“We will keep visiting…” Aaron drowns out Vic’s voice as she talks details with the doctor; his eyes are fixed on his wedding ring, metal gleaming in the halogen light of the hospital.   
He doesn’t try to prevent tears from falling. 

-

Robert.

That’s one thing he knows for certain. His name. 

He doesn’t remember his sister but she holds his hand and tells him she’s here for him. 

He doesn’t know where he is and when the doctors say Hotten there’s a flicker of recognition but he can’t place it, like a memory he can’t quite catch, slipping through his fingers and drifting away. 

He wears a wedding ring. Apparently he has a husband. 

-

Aaron stays away most days. He tries making it out of the door, tries to drive to the hospital because it’s Robert and he’s hurt but then he remembers the vacant expression in his eyes replaced by fear when he pulled away and Aaron crumbles. 

His eyes are constantly red, he cries himself to sleep most nights and he can’t seem to make the tears stop falling. He moves back into the pub, just for the time being. Their bed in the Mill is too painful to look at. 

“Why don’t you come with me today?”

The question is posed by either Chas, Vic, Diane, or Adam; all of them visiting regularly, all of them in not near the same amount of pain. Aaron declines and ends up on the sofa, curled in on himself watching some trashy TV.

Robert isn’t dead and he knows he should be happy. Knows he shouldn’t be this upset but the loss feels almost as devastating. A loss of his husband, however much he still lives and breathes.  _ He  _ isn’t there anymore. 

-

He likes them all.

It’s a bit overwhelming. They want these memories from him, this person to suddenly appear and it’s not him. At least, it isn’t now. 

He spends a lot of time confused, angry, frustrated. They are all kind to him and for that he cannot hate them.

Diane is sweet. She brings him flowers and grapes which he doesn’t quite understand but she smiles and tells him he will, one day. 

Vic is kind and caring and he wishes he could be the brother she says he is. 

His family. 

He can’t remember what it’s like to have one. 

He can’t help but ask them one day as they visit, “Who’s Aaron?”

The name feels comfortable on his tongue, like it’s something he has said before but it slips through the gaping holes in his mind. 

“You alright, love?” 

He nods and they tell him about Aaron. 

-

“He asked about you the other day,” Vic says quietly. 

They are having coffee at Bob’s. Aaron hasn’t been outside in days. People are staring at him, giving him that look that makes him want to throw a punch or leave. Maybe it’s his beard which he hasn’t trimmed in weeks. Maybe it’s the fact that he looks like he’s ill.

Either way, he doesn’t appreciate it. 

He looks up at Vic’s words, hope blossoming in his chest before she gives him a sympathetic look. 

“We told him about you… he asked why you haven’t visited… you sure you don’t want to come with us tomorrow?” 

Aaron shifts in his seat. It’s been weeks since he saw him. Maybe it’s time. 

He nods and Vic smiles at him. 

“I know this isn’t easy for you, but he needs family. You’re the most important person to him, even if he can’t remember,” Vic says. 

It is supposed to be soothing but it’s just another reminder that the life they built together is gone.

-

The nurses check on him every morning, doctors come in later and speak to him. 

He is told to relax, to not let his anger rise, to not let his frustration set him back. 

The weight of his forgotten memories is heavy against his mind, wearing him down and keeping him up at night. It feels like a constant burden, his brain hurts with the effort to just  _ remember _ . 

He is exhausted. 

-

Aaron stands outside the room trying to walk in. Vic is sitting behind him, letting him do it at his own pace. Expectations and fears crowd his mind, make him hesitate. 

He trimmed his beard, took a long shower, did anything to drag out coming here. 

It’s not enough - he can’t avoid it any longer. 

He knocks on the door and walks in. 

Robert looks better. The gash on his head is healing well, his leg is kept in a sling but Vic told Aaron he is recovering well. He just doesn’t look like Robert. 

The slight arrogance is gone from his features, the sharpness of his mind that made his eyes so damn charming is gone. He is Robert but he isn’t. 

“Hi,” he says and Aaron clenches his fists. 

“Hiya,” he replies. He takes a seat next to Robert’s bed at glances at his hand. He is still wearing his wedding ring. 

They talk like they are strangers as Robert tries to keep the conversation flowing. Every memory Aaron feels like Robert should know is a fresh cut, a fresh pain to accept and deal with. 

In the end he can’t take it. He rushes up, wiping his eyes as he leaves the room. 

“He’s wearing the ring but he isn’t Robert.” 

-

Aaron continues to visit. He holds back and he is hurting and Robert regrets that he is the one causing the pain. 

Aaron is beautiful though. Blue eyes and soft features, Robert can see why he married him. Vulnerable but strong. Heartbroken but fiercely loyal. 

Every meeting leaves Robert feeling as though he should remember, he should know. Momentarily he can feel Aaron’s skin on his, but like everything else it flutters away before he can hold on to it.

It slams into him a few days later, a trainwreck of hurt and anger and so much love that he feels like his head is going to explode. 

Vic visits and bring him a coffee (americano, your favourite) and the taste of it on his tongue sets off his brain like a wildfire. 

He’s crying, he has a hand on his wedding ring and Vic cries too as she holds him. 

-

“He remembers.” 

Chas whispers it into his skin as she hugs him, draws him in and keeps him close. 

“He remembers everything love,” she insists and Aaron shakes his head. “Vic just called…” 

The rest is a blur. Chas drives him to the hospital, his hands are sweaty and his eyes don’t register anything until they are parked in front of the hospital. From then, every footstep feels ominous, heavy with dread. His hopes have been dashed too often for him to just accept that this is suddenly happening. He can’t believe it.

Until…

“Aaron,” Robert practically whimpers. 

His eyes are red-rimmed but they are  _ his _ . He holds out his arms and Aaron runs into them, wrapping his arm around Robert’s chest and holding him. 

“I’m here, I’m back…” Robert whispers and Aaron sobs, his body heaving. “At least till I’m eighty, right?” 

Aaron pulls away and holds Robert’s head in his hands, taking in every single feature. He presses their foreheads together and for the first time in months, breathing comes easy. 

“I love you,” Aaron says, kissing Robert’s lips and sealing the promise of  _ more _ . Of a life together. 

“I love you more.” 

 


End file.
